I caught the latest surf documentary featuring the reputed 100' swell that hit Maverick's this past winter. The movie was called 100' Wednesday, check local listings. Mavericks is the sort of wave that on bigger days surfers are strapped to their boards and towed in by jet-skis because it's impossible to paddle fast enough to catch those monsters. No one was out during the 100' swell but some video was captured from shore.
There was also a bit about the Surfrider Foundation's controversial fight to disallow jetskis in the national park area that includes Mavericks. My basic instinct is to agree with the Surfrider Foundation as I prefer nature (wind/gravity/etc) and human-powered achievements versus the cacophonous and inelegant engine-powered alternatives. However, having seen a few of the Mavricks tow-in documentaries I can't help but appreciate the amazing feats being pulled off with jet-skis,straps and tow-ropes...
Still, my vote is to bar the jet-skis until they come up with fuel-cell powered versions.
I'm the Infra-red Woman! I've got the Beast of the Abyss between my legs!
I'm tighter than a constipated Scotsman in a pay-toilet! I've got muscles in
my snatch that haven't been EVOLVED YET! I make the Virgin Mary look like the
Grand Canyon! You can run DEEP, but with me you CAN'T run silent! I'll make
you howl so loud, they'll be green-eyed on the MOON! The New Age was invented
just for me -- I WORE THE OLD ONE OUT! I put the Magick in SexMagick! I
shocked Aleister Crowley and made the last ten Popes give up their vows! Who
do you think Sappho wrote all those poems to? I'm so gooood, I made the Great
Stone Face come THREE TIMES -- and he doesn't even EXIST from the neck down! I
make Linda Lovelace look like a store-window dummy with lockjaw! Come on and
give me AIDS, baby -- I'll recombine it with my OWN E. Coli plastids and turn
it into VENEREAL MESCALINE! I sweat nectar and mensturate ambrosia, I pee
milk and honey, and I shit Cakes of Light! Whe I take off MY clothes, fist-
fights break out all over Mount Olympus! I've got more swing in my hips than
the San Francisco earthquake! I'm BITCHY! I'm shrill and I'm NASTY! I'm a
REAL shrew! Mad rapists run screaming screaming for help to the Rape Crisis
Center when they see ME coming! I gave the Anti"Bob" back his OWN VD and
turned him into a RADICAL FEMINIST! When I'm in heat, they come from MILES
around for a try at me -- dogs, cats, wolves, bears, randy goats, 12-point
bucks, pterodactyls, and swallow-tail butterflies right along side the men! I
DO IT WITH BASILISKS! Frodo beat the shit out of Dopey, Sneezy and Doc just
so he could get into my flower garden! They'll never stick THIS cunt in a
kitchen -- unless that's where it WANTS to be! I NEVER pay taxes -- the
government pays ME to WEAR OUT THE WORK FORCE! I don't charge money for it,
honey -- I charge SLACK! When they call ME a bitch, I just BARK RIGHT BACK
at'em! I CREATED Time Control, darlin' -- if you've got FIVE MINUTES, I'll
give you an AEON of SHEER ECSTASY! Nuclear power plants hide in SHAME when I
go by! MY snatch glows in BROAD DAYLIGHT! I'M the reason Cuban Supermen were
invented! I made the Premier of the USSR sing "Alright By Me in America" and
MEAN it! I fucked the Devil into Heaven, and Saint Peter into Hell! I took
on the Flaming Sword of the Archangle Michael, and PUT IT OUT! The Fightin'
Jesus gave up fighting to have one more go with ME! The Blob got hard as a
rock, thick as a brick, and stiff as steel at the mere SIGHT of MY sweet
thang! You heard the Xists are coming? Well, I'M the REASON, darlin'! I'm a
fusion reactor, baby -- LET'S FUSE! I'm so hot, I fart pure ambergris and I
piss champagne! HALL 9000 blew his fuses over me! I made the Bad "Bob" say
please and thank you!
I made an honest man out of Richard Nixon and then put HORNS on him with
Henry Kissinger! I'm the reason Elvis is God! And who do you think pulls
Howdy-Doody's strings, hmmmm? I put the starch in Priapus's pecker! Elijah
Muhammed FOUND DOBBS and started a clench in Cincinatti, after one night with
me! I blow the tops out of THERMOMETERS! I make taxi-meters run BACKWARDS!
You've heard of Black Holes? Well, come on up and see me sometime, sweetheart,
and I'll show you a Naked Singularity! I put the "collapse" in collapsars! I
GIVE GREEN STAMPS! I don't SHAVE under my arms -- I MOW...when I don't
BRAID! I left my nectar on the Washington Monument and douched with the
Mississippi River! I don't catch CRABS -- I catch MOUNTAIN LIONS! So step
aside, all you slab-sided, prune-faced, whey-fleshed, dishrag-cunnied,
androphobic, GYNOphobic, SARCEphobic, BIOphobic, plant-covered, latex-armored,
beehive-hairdo'ed, pinch-browed, antiseptic, chemical-stenched, stilt-heeled,
pucker-butted, GUNNYSACKS OF WEASEL-JERKY! I can out-think, outwit, out-joke,
and out-FUCK any FIFTY men...and ANY 500 Pinks! I fold, staple, spindle, and
mutilate whole BUREAUCRACIES! I don't just holler and yell -- I BREAK WINDOWS
and SHATTER CHANDELIERS TWENTY COUNTIES UPWIND when I start feeling good! I
make a fool of myself with STYLE! I SET TRENDS! I have Senators for
familiars! The American Academy for the Advancement of Science made telepathy
ILLEGAL and declared psychokinesis a MORTAL SIN, thanks to me! I don't just
have the Evil Eye, I've got Evil in places you've never even HEARD of! I put
the "Mo" in "Mojo" -- and then TOOK IT OUT again! When I pass by, geldings
turn back into stallions and STEERS go after LOCOMOTIVES! I INVENTED SIN,
honey! I'M the reason that being BAD feels soooo gooood.... When the
Incredible Hulk buttfucked ME, I pyroflatulated him into the NEXT COUNTY! I'm
quadruple-jointed! I make octopi look ARTHRITIC! REAL MEN PAY TO CATCH VD
FROM ME! I don't get zits; I break out in bon-bons and eclairs! I leak
Elixir Vital by the GALLON! You heard that Hitler had only one ball? GUESS
WHY!
Bend all the spoons you WANT, honey; I straightened Uri Gellar's tool with
MY unaided ESP, and stroked off the Dalai Lama with ONE IDLE THOUGHT! When I
bat my eyelashes, MONKS spew away their last chances at Heaven! Nuns AND
junkies give up their habits for me! I drove the Whore of Babylon out of
business! Astarte invented aphrodisiacs just to KEEP UP with me! I am a mink
in heat, I am a Tyrannosaurus Regina on the make, I make Jaws look like a
Small-Mouthed Bass! A Black Hole is CONVEX compared to me, and once you TRY
me, you'll think the Big Bang is nothing but a WET FIRECRACKER! I BEND in
places MOST women don't even HAVE places! I am a walking, talking, strutting,
balling VOLCANO! I pre-empted Our Lady of Fatima! UFOs fight to see which
one gets to have a Close Encounter with ME! Prophets give up their visions
for just one LOOK at me! John the Baptist came back to life to give ME some
of his head! I created DNA! Where do you think Calvin Klein got his genes?
You think YOU'RE Illuminated? I make thermonuclear blasts look like the
inside of a darkroom! I eat the Fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and
Evil for a BETWEEN-MEALS SNACK! They had to invent a whole new Sign in the
Zodiac just for me; CLITTIS, THE PORNOGRAM! You wouldn't believe the aspects
to MY Nodes, darlin' -- my chart's got ALL the Angles! Heisenberg came up
with the Uncertainty Principle after he met me! I made Dirac, Pauli and
Einstein GET PHYSICAL! They had to invent non-Euclidean geometry to describe
MY curves! Where do you think the camel got is HUMP? I'm the reason for the
billy-goat's Horn! I'M THE ONE WHO FUCKS 'EM WHEN THEY CAN'T TAKE A JOKE --
and makes 'em SIMLE AGAIN! I'm SO weird, the Discordians joined the
Republican Party in SHEER SELF-DEFENSE! I put the "libertine" into
"Libertarian"! I make ELVIS look DULL! I'm the reason the Second Coming is
taking SO LONG -- Jesus hasn't recuperated from His FIRST one with me, yet!
I'm the Queen of Heaven, the Dark Lady of Space, the Lovely Black Star of the
Sea! I'm on cave walls, in the Temple of Karnak, on the walls of Pompei and
the CATHEDRAL OF NOTRE DAME! I'M IN THE PRE-SCRIPTURES! Jehova-1 burns
incense to ME! I'm....
Posted by: Pyro-flatulator | 2002.08.07 at 06:05 PM
i am a monk my self, i have gays at my house all the time you should come round.
Posted by: simon thomas | 2003.09.04 at 10:30 PM